Monday, September 29, 2008

Why you give me that kind of love?? WHY??

What kind of love do I had?
Since we together 3 years,I thought of you love me more…
Pure illusion! False perception!
No matter how, I have to accept the fact that I love you more than you love me…
I willing to giv up of everythings just because of you….
I ever sacrifice lots of things in order to fulfill whatever you want or wish.
[I think you know what I mean]
Getting your love isn’t worth the sacrifice of my principles?
Worth! Valuable! Because I LOVE YOU!

Do you love me?? How deep you love me??
What kind of love you can give me??
Until you said those kind of words??
[ I miss you everydays.
Just, I unable call and msg you
each time I think of you.
EXPENSIVE, you know? ]
You know what are you talking about??
From sg call to msia is more cheapper than miri call to btu??
20sen per msg from sg to msia is more cheapper than 1sen per msg in msia area??
What you said HURT me lots!!

But, I just accept what you said.
My tears dropped like stream. [ Do you ever know?? ]
I consoled myself with the thought that you haven’t get any job at miri.
You don’t have any income. [ Other reasons else]
As your girlfriend, I should understand your situation.

On the other hands,I already do preparation that we wont meet for years.
I wont ask for any reasons or excuses.
I understand you.
No matter i want or not, I forced to do so, that’s UNDERSTAND YOU!
No choices for me.
Nothing I can do either more than that.
Is that valuable for me??
I duno.
As long as you happy.
Because I love you.


Honestly, you really love me??
Or we oledi no love at all??
Our relationship continue by wat??
Love??
Or we just use to it oledi??
because of 3 years relationship??
Who can tell me??

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Pra-STPM finish liaw *happy*

Pra-STPM finish liaw...
I can sleep as many hours as i wan...
I can throw my books by side for a while...
I can feel that i'm FREE!
Beside that, i feel nervous too...
My real STPM will coming soon...
The exam which decides my future...
Wow... It sounds interesting n challenging...

Though i will having one week of holidays,
i still nid to study n do revision...
Meaningless holidays... Haiz...
Wat to do? Study is the job of students...

Anyway,i will choose one day
Visit my malay classmates' houses...
Together with my geng~
Hehe... ^^
Disappointed...
Hubby unable accompany me...
SOB SOB ='(

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Arrgh! Bad mood!

Arrgh! Damn bad mood!
I'm start complaning this and that
from early in the morning til nite...
Never stop it...
Bla bla like an old woman...
Even my mom cant stand for me too...
Am i crazy???
Maybe....
STRESS...
Maybe...
Aunty is coming...

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

hubby is back M'sia!

Hubby is back M'sia...
When i knew it,i felt very happy...
I miss him so so so so much...
But i cant even meet with him...
He is stay at Miri...
--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--
Since he is back, we keep argue...
Duno why... I feel that,
Though now our distance is close
But i feel tat it is far than
msia n sg...
WHY???
--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--
I feel tat he is different with "he" at sg...
While he was at sg,he will find me...
Many times per day even
international call is expensive
per minutes...
Now,we are in msia area...
He seldom find me...
SELDOM...
How come???
--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--
Can anyone tell me??
Or he only remember me while
he is lonely at sg??
Haiz~ Really headache...
If like tat, i hope he stay at sg...
At least he will remember me...
--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--
No matter where is he,
there is no benefits for me...
No matter where is he,
we still far apart...
No matter where is he,
i still alone n lonely...
No matter where is he,
he know nothing bout me...
No matter where is he,
i know nothing bout him...
No matter where is he,
i nid to face my life too...
Haiz...
--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--
Maybe both of us dun understand
what is thinking in each mind...
Maybe this is de consequency of
LESS COMMUNICATION !!!!!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Pra-STPM *gambateh*

Just finish chating with my hubby through msn...
Tomolo is my first day of Pra-STPM...
This time i nid struggle hard to pass my PA2...
PA is the most important subject...
I scare with my history too...
Since i got low marks for it in my August exam...51%
I must not repeat the same mistake again...
I will be more careful to read the question...
Plus i even challenge my classmate,Bonny
who get higher mark in history=>86% ...
Haiz... Now a bit regret to challenge him...
Jia you jia you jia you...

Friday, September 12, 2008

*Poor hubby*

Today i receive msg from dear hubby...
Poor hubby... He is unhappy ...
I duno how to help him...
I dun even can stay by his side while he is upset...
Lao gong, i'm very very sorry... ='(
I ask him back to Bintulu,but he refuse to do so...
Am i wrong for letting you work at singapore?
I really duno... haiz~~
Anyway,gambateh lao gong...
Muakssss~~

Thursday, September 11, 2008

message from hubby

Yesterday hubby sent me a msg that he had sent to his ex...
Those are the content:
[I'm not as good as you think,so dun find me again.
I dun wan to lie you. Stay your life well,you will find
a better guy in your future. Thanks for let me knew
that i grow up. Actually i got fiancee oledi. I cant n
unable to own you two at same times. I'm sorry]

Adeline n Jaclyn said that he wont betray me....
So I nid not be worry...
Seems that my friends all support him.. ^^

After hubby went to Singapore,he really changed a lotz..
He learned to care my feeling...
He learned to be honest...
Thanks cz you really care for me...

So i believe him,though we far apart...
As how he believe me...
Hope our love will last forever...
[FOREVER LOVE]



Friday, September 05, 2008

[new guy vs me vs hubby]

I had been chase by a guy lately...
I ever told the guy tat i got a boyfriend...
Why he still wan to treat me well...
yet i treat him CRUEL since i know he fell in love to me...
I keep ignore him...
I know he is good...

But, i CANT n WONT accept him...
I really feel sorry about him...
He is not suitable for me.
No one can seperate hubby n me!
3 years of relationship...

Sometimes my hubby will make me unhappy,
I will feel down...
Sad......
Cry......
I'm sure...
Not only me...
My hubby too...
Each couple sure got arguments, rite?
That's the way we communicate...
Even though we far apart,
we still love each others very much...
I wont betray him...

And please dun critic my hubby is betrayal...
The case already pass...
I already forgive him...
He promise wont do it again...
I believe him ...
Coz, I love him ...




Wednesday, September 03, 2008

ex-girlfriend wan back to him,wat should i do?

Last few days,hubby called me...
He said there is something to tell me...
" My ex-girlfriend found me...she hope we can be together again..."
I felt wanna cry after i listen this news...
Why this could happened?
He said he treat me as his wife,
He should tell me about it...
He dun hope to hide anythings from me...
I'm glad he think so...
But,i not tat generous...
I care tat his ex keep calling him...
That's my hubby,i dun wan share with others...
Although i told him tat i dun worry...
He dun even know my worry in my deep deep heart...
I dun wan he comunicate with his ex...
I dun like his ex find him...
Before is she dump him de,why now wan to come back?
He say he love me very much,ask me dun think too much...
I kinda of think too much and sensitive...
I dun hope this relationship let me feel stress...
Otherwise i will give up...
My hubby said i stupid...
Anyway, i dun hope my hubby betray me...
NO!
I'm so scare...wat should i do while facing this prob?
Anyone can teach me??

Saturday, August 30, 2008

[missing]

I just finish prepare my sushi which as breakfast for my tomolo journey...
Duno why...I felt wanna cry while preparing my sushi...
I am missing someone... Tat's is you... My hubby...
I recalled back the moment I first time prepare sushi for you...
I hope you are by my side now...
We prepare sushi together,eat together...
Unfortunately,we cant...
Wish you will back to my side as soon as possible...
I miss you so so so so.......... much...
Until my tears roll down from my cheek...
Tats true!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

[Disappointment]

I get back my exam pappers...
Disappointingly,i get bad result...
I speechless...duno wat to say...
I try my best to study,but why i still failed?
Oh shit! Really shit! Damn shit!
I cant failed PA anymore...
Otherwise,i will completely spoiled my future...
Because of careless,i failed to get A- for my history 2...
I wont allow this kind of mistake happen again!
I need to prove that i'm not stupid...
I CAN! I CAN!
Do i really can?
Trial-exam is coming soon...
No matter how difficult is it,i will try my best to challenge it!
NO MORE FAILED FOR PENGAJIAN AM!

Saturday, August 16, 2008

*Story about me n Hasim*

14/08/2008 我的朋友...走了...
永远的离开了我们...
刚刚才在不久前在 parkcity mall 巧遇...
却在前两天收到...你去世的消息...
你知道我是多么的难过...多么的不舍得你离开吗...?
虽然我不知道为什么每次你在msn遇到我都没理我...
也许我长得不够亮眼吧...
看着你的fs差点让我掉泪...
我很希望可以看到你...但往往越想看到,却越难看到...
我们的相遇是发生在今年的新年...
我跟国华去kfc吃东西...遇到了你跟tommy...
你很有君子风度的跟我打招呼...
第一次看到你还有点怕你呢...
后来就不了了之...所以对你的印象也还好...
第二次相遇是在我跟我的男朋友在做传销的时候...
tommy,恩慧,家莲,我,我男朋友和你...就在summer tea喝茶...
本来是认不出你是谁了...
但我还是大胆的问你是否在哪里见过...
原来是在kfc...
怕你一个人闷,所以就一直陪你聊天...
聊着聊着觉得你这个人还不错...
如果没有男朋友的话...我一定叫朋友帮忙拉线的... =)
后来就拿了你的fs & msn ....
有一次...我跟我男朋友发生了一些事...
你就在msn陪我...安慰我... (虽然安慰方式有点烂...) =p
过后...最近的相遇就在上个星期了...
也是最后一次的相遇了...
很高兴认识你这个朋友...
虽然我们的相处时间不长...
你的离开还是让我非常非常非常的难过...
无时无刻都想起你...
你的离开让我觉得人生真的很短...
我会好好珍惜我的一切...做我想做的事情...
在天堂另一端的你,好好的安息吧...
上帝和天使们会陪伴着你...
保佑全天下的人...
我们永远都爱你...想你....Hasim...




#The End#

Monday, August 11, 2008

好消息...

好消息哦!
原来..........
是电话不见才联络不到你...
虽然价值一千多的电话不见...
很心痛...(里面都是我们的照片&回忆叻) ='(
但庆幸人没事就好...
甜蜜的回忆是会永存在我们的脑海里的... =)
muakssssssssss..........
加油!

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

你到底在哪里...?

只是短短的几天,你就不见了...?
为什么...?
那天拜日不是还可以找到你吗...?
我说我不开心,你还打电话给我...不是吗...?
怎么了...?到底怎么了...?
我很担心你,你懂不懂...?
为什么电话打不通...?为什么msg send不过...?
为什么电话那头会说"the starhub number is nt is service? nt available...?
为什么啊...?
是你发生了什么事吗...?
我的内心不停的胡乱猜测...
1. 电话没电吗...?
2. 电话被偷吗...?
3. 工作发生意外吗...?
4. 被打抢吗...?
5. 还是你想分手...? 你有新的女朋友了...
我想得头好痛! 一直打给你不停的打给你...
你答应我不会让我不到你的....
你明知道我找不到你就会哭的...
为什么还..........
祈求上天保佑你一切平安........!!!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

为什么...??!!

今天是你离开我的两个星期...
也是我MUET成绩出的日子...
昨晚我告诉你,但你却没有回复我...
今天我放学回家也没有收到你任何一封的信息...
是不关心吗..? 忙碌吗..? 我不知道...
我只知道...我难过...
我....失败了...我还是Band 3...
我...输你了...
我很失望...尤其是全世界都在期待你拿Band 5...
看到3...我很想大哭...很想有你的安慰...
但你却无法当我的支柱...
为什么平时考试我都可以考的很好??
真正的考试却....
为什么...?
为什么我的努力都是白费的...??
为什么在我最需要你的时候,你总是不在我身边...?

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

崩溃的鱼儿...懦弱的女孩...

今天我彻底的崩溃...眼泪狂流...
躲在厕所淋着冷水...眼泪随着冷水流下...
就好像一只在水中流着泪的一条鱼儿...
大声的在我的内心呐喊: "我要的只是你简单的关心...责任感...爱护疼爱..."
今早,你让我完全没有心情上课...整个人感觉失去灵魂一样...
我决定离开你的世界...你给不到我快乐,但你没有权剥夺我的幸福...
为什么...你在我决定放手时又对我这么好...?
对我时好时坏...我接受不了...求你别这样自私,好吗...?
昨天,我跟你说话...一个问题问你三到五次,你都没有回答...
感觉你很不尊重我...践踏着我的尊严...
伤透了我的心...但我还是好好的与你沟通...因为我对你的爱浇灭了我对你的生气...
很遗憾,沟通后你并没有良好的改善... ='(
这两天我们所发生的事...让我本来选择你的意念开始动摇...
这时候我突然想要很认真的考虑你跟我的梦想之间的考量...
因为如果你还是这样让我伤心难过...我觉得这份感情我得考虑考虑...
我怕选择了爱情...分分钟会让我未来一无所有...
但梦想就不同了...有工作有钱...还怕找不到男人吗...?还怕自己养不起自己吗...?
这种想法都是在我生气你时...你对我不好时才会出现...
做男人的,不该让女人流泪...
有时真的搞不清楚你是不是真的爱我...
甚至觉得你需要我的时候才会想到我...
那天你说去弄店的事情...我打电话给你...
听你的声音怪怪的..周围又这样安静...
让我觉得你很像在做什么对不起我的事情...
haiz...我感觉到自己走这段感情走的很痛苦..辛苦...难过...
跟之前我们刚刚谈恋爱时不一样...很甜蜜哦...幸福... @_@
自己被你捧在手心的感觉很棒哦... =)
今天你答应我你觉得你会做到我刚才说的15项我想要从你身上的到的感觉...
我决定在相信你一次...
因为...我已经足泥深陷...
爱你到无法自拔了...
希望你不会让我失望...
我是个容易受伤的女人...爱你的心是很脆弱的...
我需要我的完美情人来保护这颗脆弱的心...
否则...我真的会选择把我的心门给关上...把你拒于门外...
没收本来属于你,我心门的钥匙...
一切都为了保护我自己...
我不想在受到伤害...

Monday, June 02, 2008

我到底要怎样啊...!!!

病了那么多天...情况不但没有好转...
反而引发更多的病...喉咙痛,发烧,咳嗽...
每当你在我的身边...我都很少生病的...
有时想想...会不会这次的生病只是心病呢...?
分隔两地的我们...你告诉我,"不要这样常讲电话,对耳朵不好...而且你很快会闲的..."
你有没有想过...离开的人的心态跟被丢下的人的心态是大不相同的...!
你,来去自由潇洒...我,苦苦等待...
每天我起身后要做的事情除了等你,还是等你...
等你看好戏,打好maple,起身,吃东西...
你知道吗...?等你的日子就好像渡日如年...
你爽爽发一封信息给我,就消失的无影无踪...带给我的只是空欢喜一场...
你知道有时候我是多么的讨厌你吗...?
有时候多么想潇洒的跟你说拜拜走人...
很遗憾,三年的感情...毕竟我付出多年跟许多的情份...
你知道吗...?我真的真的很想念你...很需要你的关心...
我感到好矛盾...我要的是关心还是你的人或者只是习惯性的依赖了你...?
我很讨厌你...更讨厌这样的自己...
没有人会在意我的一切包括你在内...
你连最重要的18/06/2008的日子都忘记了...
还被你气到心脏痛...难以呼吸...
一个人苦苦守在msn跟手机旁...等你回应你会为了18/06/2008...为我准备了什么惊喜或礼物...
结果一切都是我太天真了...你,没有看我的信息...
没有人在乎我的...
没有人理会我的...
没有人当我是宝贝了...
我们错过了99天相识的日子...
所以我很珍惜我们相识的999天的日子...
我每天都很期待18/06/2008的到来...
如果可以...好希望我们从来都不曾相识过...
至少...现在的我不会因为你这样难过...不开心...

Sunday, June 01, 2008

左右为难....

我病了很多天了... ='(
但是都没有人关心我...
可怜吧...?
是时候该重新重回到那个打不死的女强人了...!
独立...自主...傲慢...自信...泼辣...
才是自我呢...
其实我很介意你说的...
"你的梦想跟我,你只能选一个...走了就不是我的女朋友...
很多人到了外面就变了...变成别人的女朋友...
既然我知道后来你会选择什么...我就不管了...
现在只等你亲口对我说你的选择...
我不会跟你分手...我对你是有感情的...
只等你的选择了..."
做人是多么的难...
手心是肉...手背也是肉...两个缺一不可...
我也清楚"有得必有失"这个道理...
我也清楚远距离恋爱是不可能长久的道理...
我会静下心来听听我内心真正想要的是什么...
在做决定...

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

尝试新的开始吧.....

昨天...伤心的我幸好得到一个傻乎乎的msn朋友的安慰...
我满喜欢这个朋友...他是一个很友善...温柔...礼貌...羞涩的一个男生...
虽然他的安慰很肤浅...就一句"is ok de..."
毕竟...20岁的他都还没有拍拖...
可是...我的心情还是很差...
三年的感情...付出了这样多...不是说放手就真的能够放手的... ='(
手机休息了整晚到现在...我只收到你的两封信息...
看来你也没什么在乎这段感情吧...?
也许吧...你根本不知道什么是爱情...
有没有听过一句话...?
"没有不争吵的爱情...但争吵过后要找到彼此最好的相处之道..."
很遗憾...我们找不到...我一个人的努力是没有用的...
在没有认识你之前...我什么都没有...
认识你之后...我拥有了你...
分开过后...我不会在象两年前那样的哀求你留下...
让我留下一丝丝最后的尊严...
重新归零在出发...再次认识及发现一个崭新的自己...

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

我们似乎分手了..........

今天...我们似乎分手了...
我的心情好难过哦...眼泪情不自禁的流了下来...
身在另一端的你知道吗...?
还是你还在忙着打你的maple...?
就算我现在自杀死了...你也不会在意吧...?
你在你家人面前这样大声的吼我...又叫我去hell...
我该有的自尊心已被你侮辱了...
我只是想得到更多你的关心...
我想要当你一睁开你的眼睛...第一个想到的就是我...第一件想做的事情就是找我...
难道...这么一点的小事,你都不能做给我吗...?
你不懂女孩子就是想要被自己心爱的男人疼爱...爱护...保护...关心吗...?
你不了解女孩子想要的安全感吗...?
还是我已经不是你心中最爱的那个女孩子了..?已经不在占据一定的重量了...?
我希望我爱的你是个积极面对自己...工作...未来的人...
就象当初我为何会爱上你那样...
我之所以会爱上你...是因为我喜欢你认真工作...思考...对工做负责的人...
我喜欢那样的你...不喜欢现在的你...
现在的你...变了很多...
变得不在是那个脚踏实地作人...不再是认真工作...对自己未来负责的那个人...
整天沉迷于游戏当中...认为直销会让你赚钱...
你说"为什么你要把我的生活搞得象地狱一样...?"
我只不过是希望你积极面对工作...
机会只给会把握的人...
找工作不容易啊...我不想你错过...
也许...我的好意你根本不稀罕...我都是为了你好...
你知不知道...?
我们之间发生了太多太多的事情了...一起经历了许多的事情...
到头来我们对爱情的守护竟是一场空...
三年的感情就这样没有了...
虽然很难过...你如此看轻我们的爱情...我却难过,肯定被你看笑话...
就算我掉眼泪...你却开心的在打着游戏...那我不是很傻...?
我的字典不在有"爱情"这两个字了...
不可能............................